It was freezing, but it was a blast! The Vida Vixens hit the streets of Park City during the Sundance Film Festival and stoked everyone with adorable pink Vida beanies!

We had the massagers out on the street and people got a KICK out of that!

Even the mysterious Agent Vida made a brief appearance; just long enough for a few snapshots, but not long enough that they would be able to pinpoint her location.

I love the wacky people at The Brunching Shuttlecocks. They came up with this quiz. I got 6 out of 12 WRONG!

She has flowing hair, smooth skin, languid eyes, and she’s completely naked. Are we discussing here a star of one of the approximately four hundred thousand single-, double-, and triple-X-rated films out there, or one of the approximately four hundred thousand different “My Little Ponies” they flooded toy stores with in the Eighties?

That’s what we’re here to find out. Below is a list of names. Each name belongs to either a porn star, or a My Little Pony. Your job is to try and tell the fornicator from the latter. Supine or equine? New Wave Hookers or new-agey hoofers? You make the call.

 

     

                                  Porn Star or Pony

    Cherry Treats
    Lucky Star
    Love Melody
    Daisy Sweet
    Sunshine Blue
    Honey Rose
    Ruby Lips
    Misty Rain
    Green Eyes
    Heart Throb
    Chocolate Delight
    Sweetie Pie
 

 

Click to see how well you know your little pony stars:

http://www.brunching.com/toy-pornorpony.html

Once again, working at the dildo factory has shown me things I’d never otherwise see.

I received a “Happy Holidays” email from Pure Talent. Not knowing who they were or what sort of talent they represent, I clicked on http://www.pure-talent.com and perused the “Feature Entertainers.” (I realize that says “Feature” not “Featured”.)

Joy! A collection of the largest-breasted women I’ve ever seen, all in one place! AND midgets too! (No tranny midgets though, sorry everybody.)

 Wow.

They’re SO amazing (I’m being serious) that I have to share them with you!

What’s it like to have tits this big…

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

…And then be outdone by a chick with tits THIS big…?

Chelsea Charms

HOW do you get  a chiropractic adjustment with these? Cuz you know you’ll need one!

Chelsea Charms

Ok, that just looks painful.

Chelsea Charms

How do these girls stay in shape? Can you even jog with those? WHERE do you shop for jog-bras in that size?

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

HOW do you hug someone? Platonically.

Chelsea Charms

HOW do you… see your feet?

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

Sleeping on your stomach is OUT of the question.

Chelsea Charms

If I was a pretty midget, like Bridget the Midget, I’d totally do porn too. (Seriously. I’m not judging.) I totally dig Bridget. How adorable is she?

Bridget The Midget - Porn Star - Feature Entertainer

Bridget The Midget - Porn Star - Feature Entertainer
Little Lacie… Oh honey, this isn’t the right look for you.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer
This one not so much either.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer
This works waaaaay better Capt’n.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer

Ok, everyone, wish me luck. I’m finally headed onto a plane with vibrators in my suitcase! I’m going to the Sundance Film Festival to film the promotion of the new Vida line of luxury pleasure objects at the famous festival. I’ve heard nothing but horror stories from our sales people about traveling with vibrators. Some have been pulled aside into customs, some have been asked to open their suitcases and pull out what ever is vibrating… Here’s to hoping I don’t have any similar stories.

 

We rubbed elbows with the cream of the Hollywood crop on January 13th at Voyeur for the Vida Launch Party. Check out the celebrities that graced our red carpet and watch the video here.

Leonardo DeCaprio was there! (This isn’t what he looks like now, but this is how I wish he still looked! I’m a total pedophile!) He snuck in the back door, but I swear he was there. It really doesn’t get better than Leo. Sigh… Perez Hilton even talked about the party, mentioning Snookie from Jersey Shore was there. I’d complain about Jersey Shore and say I can’t believe it’s “entertainment” but I refuse to even watch it.

Other guests, aside from lovely myself, included actors Shane West, Jonathon Schaech, Simon Rex, Christopher Masterson, actresses Lindsay Lohan, Natasha Henstridge, Carmen Electra, Dedee Pfeiffer, Jana Kramer, Kate Linder, former professional wrestler Stacy Kiebler, Pussycat Doll Jessica Sutta, former Girl Next Door star Bridget Marquardt, and the entire cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore. The evening was hosted by Sofia Vergara and featured a performance by Robin Thicke.

Well, I’ll let you know if I get held up in customs or arrested for having vibrating luggage. Hmm, vibrating luggage… That’s an interestig idea…

 

 

I had so much fun making this video with my friends at Topco Sales. I think it’s pretty apparent!

SEMENEX sweetens the salty-bitter taste of semen when a guy drinks the delicious shake mix for 3 days. Check out the hilarity for yourself:

(We didn’t actually drink a strangers semen…)

Here’s the URL so you can embed it on your own sites and blogs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTuAIVuIrH8

Grab the Semenex Challenge widget from www.SemenexChallenge.com

My friend sent me this email, with a note saying that I should write things like this just to fuck with people. I love what a crazy “creative writing” forum Craigslist has become. People are writing the craziest stuff there! My boyfriend spends hours reading the “Best Of” Craigslist.

anal friendship bracelet

 

Don’t take my word for it, read hem for yourself! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

Life at the Dildo Factory catapulted me into the middle of a paparazzi media storm last Thursday! I parked across the Pacific Coast Highway from the Malibu Beach House and was standing in the center turn lane, waiting and waiting for traffic to stop so I could cross the street. Guys kept slowing to check me out, but none of them would stop and le me cross! I had to finish setting up the Topco Sales Top Secret Room before Lindsay Lohan was supposed to arrive.

Suddenly a black Infinity zooms aroud me, pulls into the center turn lane and makes a left into oncoming traffic. I can’t believe it! I can feel that there is another car uncomfortably close to me, so I turn around and there’s Lindsay in her convertible Lexus, about to turn into the beach house. I take advantage of the screeching traffic and dart across the street, just as Lindsay is walking into the house. I elbow my way past the paparazi and follow her in. They even caught me on paparazzi video:
http://x17video.com/celebrity_video/lindsay_lohan/today_is_lindsays_birthday.php
(I’m the one with the black hair!)7411-6_product_1_lg[1]

Lindsay went into the Topco Top Secret Room and made a bee-line for TLC’s hot pink Private Dancer stripper pole, did a few twirls then became enthralled with the Grrl Toyz Lipstick Vibe.

All girls love this vibe. It’s totally incognito and can just hang out in your purse for those “special moments” when you find yourself alone.

Other A List celebs that have visited the Beach House include Tori Spelling, Busy Phillips and (my fav!) Dexter star, Jennifer Carpenter. Busy Phillips and Jennifer Carpenter with TopcoMany other fabulous people are slated to visit the Beach House this month. To keep up with all things Malibu Beach House , check out http://topsecretroom.topcosales.us/  and watch out for the paparazzi! They’re crazy drivers!