Yes, it’s another hard day at the office…

I fell into a pretty interesting job and I have to write about the daily craziness or else I’ll forget. And it’s too good to forget.

I’m the writer at one of the world’s largest adult novelties manufacturing companies. Toys. Adult toys. Dildos and vibrators. I didn’t even apply for the job – i mean, having lived in LA since 1999, the “adult biz” was alway looked down upon; a last resort for when you really got desperate. But they found me, and it’s toys, not porn, so I feel pretty good about the whole thing. Toys come with a certain amount of fun. Even adult toys.

Our office looks like any other office: grey walls, grey carpet, except that everyone has dildos on their desk and we constantly say “pussy,” “cock,” “stroker” and “anal” to each other. You’ve got middle age men saying anal plug, middle aged women saying cock and pussy… It’s the most Bizarro world ever.

The first time I had to say “cock” to my boss, the gentleman who hired me, it caught in my throat. I mean, we’re taught from grade school on, not to say “swear words” to authority figures. But you can’t “beat around the bush” (ooooo, good one…) and use words like “penis,” because no one will know what toy you’re referring to. For example, if I called the “Long Dong Black Kong” 10 inch dong a “black penis” it could easily be confused with Lex Steele’s 10 inch CyberSkin cock. So… Yeah.

The weirdest thing is that I’m so calloused to it all now; that nothing is nearly as shocking as it was when I started 9 months ago. It worries me a little. I feel like I’m beginning to understand why people have crazy fetishes… Things that turned me on 9 months ago don’t even show up on my radar…

…And I’m single! So it makes for an interesting life: at work and between the sheets!