November 2008


People ask me, they say, “Dildo Chick, how do you name so many dildos day in and day out?”

I do wonder in amazement about it myself sometimes… How could I name hundreds of dildos and not repeat myself or run out of names… It’s truly a gift. I’m like… a cock whisperer. I hold it delicately in my hands and… listen… listen to the cock… listen to the cock… let it….. tell……. me…………

I don’t force my names upon it. No, it tells ME what it is. It shows ME it’s essence, then I choose a witty name that captures the essence the dildo felt comfortable enough sharing with me.

You might think I’m joking… but I’m not. I mean, I don’t actually hear the name, but I do close my eyes and see what comes to me.

Some of my favorites…

Ok, wait, in looking over our latest release, there are no AMAZING names, like my man’s favorite: the Ballsy Super Cock by Doc Johnson. (brilliant!) The problem is that we try to get information into the name, so… Ok, I want to share some of my favorite toys that we make with you. I named these. And you can see how we try to cram info in the name. “Why don’t you demand to have ONLY witty names,” you ask? I choose my battles wisely…

Noveltease™ Inflatable Beach Ball-Sac

Noveltease™ Don’t Spit – Swallow!, Penis Shot Glass

Heart-On Orgasm Ball

Lex Steele™ 10X Low Ridin’ Love Bullet®

Virtual Sex: Featherweight CyberSkin® Cock and Ass

Caesar 2.0 Love Machine 110V, Pink

Bad Seed™ Kong Sized Black Dong with DVD

Bad Seed™ EZ Bend 7X Vibrating Double Shocker with DVD

Kimberly Williams PleasureSkin® 36DD Breasts

Marco Banderas Uncut CyberSkin® Cock

Tommy Gunn Sexxx Bullet

Joanna Angel™ Vibrating CyberSkin® Doggy Style Pussy and Ass

Joanna Angel™ Spiked Duotone Balls, Punk Ass Pink

Ok, so it’s our resident Ninja’s birthday, (and by Ninja, I mean our art department top-secret-secret-weapon) and he loves Journey, so we’re rocking out to Journey in the art department, high on chocolate cake, singing along to Journey, which is in someone’s computer, placed there by some long-gone former employee. Well, the next song that came up was the classic, “I can’t go for that” by Hall and Oats, of course. I grew up listening to the Hall and the Oats. And I never put it together until I worked in a Dildo Factory: He’s talking about ANAL SEX.

“No!” you say, “You work in a Dildo Factory, so you think everthing is about sex!” (isn’t it?!)

Well, let’s settle this. Here are the lyrics to the timeless song about lust and drawing a boundary:

I Can’t Go For That

by Hall and Oats

Easy, ready, willing, overtime,
Where does it stop,
where do you dare me
to draw the line.
You’ve got the body,
now you want my soul,
Don’t even think about it,
say no go.
I– I ‘ll do anything
that you want me to do,
And I’ll do almost anything,
that you want me too, ooh,

But I can’t go for that, (No can do) Anal Sex!!
No, I can’t go for that, (No can do) Anal Sex!!
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do) Anal Sex!!

I can’t go for that, And he goes on and on about it, obviously he’s afraid that it will make him gay!
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that.

I can go for being twice as nice,  threesome
I can go for just repeating
the same old lines.
Use the body,
now you want my soul, another word for anal sex is being “owned.” hello! this is so obvious!
Ooh, forget about it,
now say no go.

I– I’ll do anything
that you want me to do,
And I’ll do almost anything
that you want me to do,

But I can’t go for that, (No can do)
No, I can’t go for that, (No can do)
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do)

I can’t go for that,
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that.                                       Thou dost protest too much!! He wants it, but he’s scared.
Oh, I– I’ll do anything                              He has to be eased into it, teased into it…
that you want me to do,         
And I’ll do almost anything
that you want me to do,

But I can’t go for that, (No can do)
No, I can’t go for that, (No can do)
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do)

I can’t go for that,
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that.                         

can’t go for that (No can do)
I can’t go,
I can’t go–
for that, (No can do)                               Ok, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, but now
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do)         he’s just digging himself into a hole.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no can do,
Oh, I can’t go for that, yeah, (No can do)
No, no, no, no, no, no…..

 I rest my case.

And if you have any doubt at all, look at this picture:

hall_and_oates1

 

By the way, I’m not judging, I’d want to have anal sex with either of these men if I was a guy… But apparently they are “No Can Do” regarding the back door disco.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s up with only Oats having his shirt off…?

oats211

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, they look like hot girls here, except for the mousache.

hall-oats