December 2008

We make a Stripper Pole Kit called the Private Dancer Pole Kit, which is designed for people to put up in their house so they can enjoy a little strip club fantasy in the comfort of their own home. It is a “kit” because it includes a full-size stripper pole, in pink or silver, play money, an erotic dance DVD, a feather boa and a garter.

Well, now that the product is out, it’s time to shoot a video of the pole in action, being used in in a home. Suddenly I realize I need to get an actual stripper to demonstrate the pole on camera. You can’t just get any old “actress” to do this kind of shoot… Have you tried to lift your own weight on a stripper pole? I have and it’s so much harder than it looks. I alway think “That doesn’t look so hard; I can do that,” then I pull a muscle in my shoulder trying, and realize that I should just leave it to the “pros.” 

Mentally scrolling through my rolodex, I realized… I don’t know any strippers. Anymore. Ahem. So, tomorrow I’m going to Crazy Girls on La Brea in Hollywood with my very willing new boyfriend to scope it out and hopefully find the perfect girl to help me out. I’ll report back…


… Ok, so mission accomplished! But it wasn’t easy! My guy and I rolled into Crazy Girls on a Friday night and it was totally dead! I guess it was sort of early… Girl after girl got on stage and performed her little twirls, but none of them were right! I was totally losing faith! NONE of them had any of the interesting moves I remembered seeing the girls do in the “good ‘ole days!”  These girls were all “prancers,” not dancers! The pressure was building… It was 11pm and I didn’t have time to go to another strip club- I had to find someone this night at Crazy Girls! I shook my head, apologized to my date and decided to just give up. I went to the bathroom lamenting the fact that all my stripper girlfriends had either lost their cell phones or moved “home.” 

I racked my brain thinking of other nearby strip clubs. The closest one was 7th Veil on Sunset, which is fully nude. Ugh… I really didn’t want to go to the 7th Veil… The one time I had to pick up a paycheck there I got the heebie geebies just walking through there! (Crazy Girls and 7th Veil were owned by the same people…)  

As I came out of the bathroom, the girl on stage was actually cute, had an awesome body and had the MOVES!!

When she got off stage, I stood near her, waiting for her to finish talking to the two men she was flirting with… (Hey! The girl was workin’ I didn’t want to interrupt!) My boyfriend was laughing at me across the room and waving his arms, telling me to come back to the table. I didn’t understand what he wanted so he got up from the table, walked up to the girl, slapped a $20 in her hand and said, “When you’re done, come talk to my girlfriend.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the table.

I’m sure she thought me and my man wanted a lap dance, but I wanted something else entirely… As I waited for her, I reveiwed in my mind what I was going to say to her, but realized it all sounded BAD… Very BAD…

“Hi, I’m Ali, I’m shooting a video…” No, that sounds like I make porn films…

“Hi, I’m Ali, I’m a director and I’m making a video about a stripper pole that we manufacture…” That sounds… better…

“I have cash for you if you will come dance on a pole for me on Tuesday. I’m directing an ad for a stripper pole.”

That’s basically what ended up coming out of my mouth. She was so adorable – she said, “Yay for you! You’re directing?!” We exchaned numbers and I was terrified that she wasn’t going to show up on Tuesday.

Well, she made it to the location, on time (stripper time), and it all went well. I slapped “Disco Motherf#@ker” by Penfifteen Club on the video and it looks great! Check it out and learn some of my favorite stripper moves for yourself!

Or watch it in high quality on youtube by clicking here and choosing “watch in high quality” under the volume button:

Working at a dildo factory has really allowed me to come out of the “cock closet” and just declare it:


I love being surrounded by cock all day at work. I like my desk covered in cock. I like to write about cock, I like to think about cock. I like to come up with names for cock. I like to dream about cock.

So when I vacation, there’s just one place I feel comfortable. A place where I’m surrounded by cock… constantly. Cock in the morning, cock in the evening, cock at dawn… so much cock you almost can’t sleep. Cock: waking you up, and sometimes keeping you up through the night.

There’s cock in the middle of the road; sometimes you have to swerve to miss it. There’s cock on the many-cocks-on-kauaibeach, in the park… I’ve been known to chase cock, eventhough it’s not very lady like, I just can’t help myself. The cock is so big and magestic; I’m just magnetically drawn to the cock.

Yes, the island of Kaua’i is the place for a girl like me who loves to chase cock. If you love to be surrounded by cock, Kaua’i is the island for you. There’s so much cock on the island, no one even bats an eyelash if you’re chasing cock around the park. I swear– I did it! I like Kaua’i in the winter, because flights are pretty cheap and there are less people, so the cock to tourist ratio is pretty high and you’re sure to get all the cock you could possibly want.

cock-on-kauaiMy favorite cock is the big, magestic cock. The kind of cock that struts his stuff and knows he’s the shit. Until next year, my sweet, dream cock… Adieu…