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It was freezing, but it was a blast! The Vida Vixens hit the streets of Park City during the Sundance Film Festival and stoked everyone with adorable pink Vida beanies!

We had the massagers out on the street and people got a KICK out of that!

Even the mysterious Agent Vida made a brief appearance; just long enough for a few snapshots, but not long enough that they would be able to pinpoint her location.

We make a Stripper Pole Kit called the Private Dancer Pole Kit, which is designed for people to put up in their house so they can enjoy a little strip club fantasy in the comfort of their own home. It is a “kit” because it includes a full-size stripper pole, in pink or silver, play money, an erotic dance DVD, a feather boa and a garter.

Well, now that the product is out, it’s time to shoot a video of the pole in action, being used in in a home. Suddenly I realize I need to get an actual stripper to demonstrate the pole on camera. You can’t just get any old “actress” to do this kind of shoot… Have you tried to lift your own weight on a stripper pole? I have and it’s so much harder than it looks. I alway think “That doesn’t look so hard; I can do that,” then I pull a muscle in my shoulder trying, and realize that I should just leave it to the “pros.” 

Mentally scrolling through my rolodex, I realized… I don’t know any strippers. Anymore. Ahem. So, tomorrow I’m going to Crazy Girls on La Brea in Hollywood with my very willing new boyfriend to scope it out and hopefully find the perfect girl to help me out. I’ll report back…

……………..

… Ok, so mission accomplished! But it wasn’t easy! My guy and I rolled into Crazy Girls on a Friday night and it was totally dead! I guess it was sort of early… Girl after girl got on stage and performed her little twirls, but none of them were right! I was totally losing faith! NONE of them had any of the interesting moves I remembered seeing the girls do in the “good ‘ole days!”  These girls were all “prancers,” not dancers! The pressure was building… It was 11pm and I didn’t have time to go to another strip club- I had to find someone this night at Crazy Girls! I shook my head, apologized to my date and decided to just give up. I went to the bathroom lamenting the fact that all my stripper girlfriends had either lost their cell phones or moved “home.” 

I racked my brain thinking of other nearby strip clubs. The closest one was 7th Veil on Sunset, which is fully nude. Ugh… I really didn’t want to go to the 7th Veil… The one time I had to pick up a paycheck there I got the heebie geebies just walking through there! (Crazy Girls and 7th Veil were owned by the same people…)  

As I came out of the bathroom, the girl on stage was actually cute, had an awesome body and had the MOVES!!

When she got off stage, I stood near her, waiting for her to finish talking to the two men she was flirting with… (Hey! The girl was workin’ I didn’t want to interrupt!) My boyfriend was laughing at me across the room and waving his arms, telling me to come back to the table. I didn’t understand what he wanted so he got up from the table, walked up to the girl, slapped a $20 in her hand and said, “When you’re done, come talk to my girlfriend.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the table.

I’m sure she thought me and my man wanted a lap dance, but I wanted something else entirely… As I waited for her, I reveiwed in my mind what I was going to say to her, but realized it all sounded BAD… Very BAD…

“Hi, I’m Ali, I’m shooting a video…” No, that sounds like I make porn films…

“Hi, I’m Ali, I’m a director and I’m making a video about a stripper pole that we manufacture…” That sounds… better…

“I have cash for you if you will come dance on a pole for me on Tuesday. I’m directing an ad for a stripper pole.”

That’s basically what ended up coming out of my mouth. She was so adorable – she said, “Yay for you! You’re directing?!” We exchaned numbers and I was terrified that she wasn’t going to show up on Tuesday.

Well, she made it to the location, on time (stripper time), and it all went well. I slapped “Disco Motherf#@ker” by Penfifteen Club on the video and it looks great! Check it out and learn some of my favorite stripper moves for yourself!

Or watch it in high quality on youtube by clicking here and choosing “watch in high quality” under the volume button:

Working at a dildo factory has really allowed me to come out of the “cock closet” and just declare it:

I LOVE COCK!

I love being surrounded by cock all day at work. I like my desk covered in cock. I like to write about cock, I like to think about cock. I like to come up with names for cock. I like to dream about cock.

So when I vacation, there’s just one place I feel comfortable. A place where I’m surrounded by cock… constantly. Cock in the morning, cock in the evening, cock at dawn… so much cock you almost can’t sleep. Cock: waking you up, and sometimes keeping you up through the night.

There’s cock in the middle of the road; sometimes you have to swerve to miss it. There’s cock on the many-cocks-on-kauaibeach, in the park… I’ve been known to chase cock, eventhough it’s not very lady like, I just can’t help myself. The cock is so big and magestic; I’m just magnetically drawn to the cock.

Yes, the island of Kaua’i is the place for a girl like me who loves to chase cock. If you love to be surrounded by cock, Kaua’i is the island for you. There’s so much cock on the island, no one even bats an eyelash if you’re chasing cock around the park. I swear– I did it! I like Kaua’i in the winter, because flights are pretty cheap and there are less people, so the cock to tourist ratio is pretty high and you’re sure to get all the cock you could possibly want.

cock-on-kauaiMy favorite cock is the big, magestic cock. The kind of cock that struts his stuff and knows he’s the shit. Until next year, my sweet, dream cock… Adieu…

People ask me, they say, “Dildo Chick, how do you name so many dildos day in and day out?”

I do wonder in amazement about it myself sometimes… How could I name hundreds of dildos and not repeat myself or run out of names… It’s truly a gift. I’m like… a cock whisperer. I hold it delicately in my hands and… listen… listen to the cock… listen to the cock… let it….. tell……. me…………

I don’t force my names upon it. No, it tells ME what it is. It shows ME it’s essence, then I choose a witty name that captures the essence the dildo felt comfortable enough sharing with me.

You might think I’m joking… but I’m not. I mean, I don’t actually hear the name, but I do close my eyes and see what comes to me.

Some of my favorites…

Ok, wait, in looking over our latest release, there are no AMAZING names, like my man’s favorite: the Ballsy Super Cock by Doc Johnson. (brilliant!) The problem is that we try to get information into the name, so… Ok, I want to share some of my favorite toys that we make with you. I named these. And you can see how we try to cram info in the name. “Why don’t you demand to have ONLY witty names,” you ask? I choose my battles wisely…

Noveltease™ Inflatable Beach Ball-Sac

Noveltease™ Don’t Spit – Swallow!, Penis Shot Glass

Heart-On Orgasm Ball

Lex Steele™ 10X Low Ridin’ Love Bullet®

Virtual Sex: Featherweight CyberSkin® Cock and Ass

Caesar 2.0 Love Machine 110V, Pink

Bad Seed™ Kong Sized Black Dong with DVD

Bad Seed™ EZ Bend 7X Vibrating Double Shocker with DVD

Kimberly Williams PleasureSkin® 36DD Breasts

Marco Banderas Uncut CyberSkin® Cock

Tommy Gunn Sexxx Bullet

Joanna Angel™ Vibrating CyberSkin® Doggy Style Pussy and Ass

Joanna Angel™ Spiked Duotone Balls, Punk Ass Pink

Ok, so it’s our resident Ninja’s birthday, (and by Ninja, I mean our art department top-secret-secret-weapon) and he loves Journey, so we’re rocking out to Journey in the art department, high on chocolate cake, singing along to Journey, which is in someone’s computer, placed there by some long-gone former employee. Well, the next song that came up was the classic, “I can’t go for that” by Hall and Oats, of course. I grew up listening to the Hall and the Oats. And I never put it together until I worked in a Dildo Factory: He’s talking about ANAL SEX.

“No!” you say, “You work in a Dildo Factory, so you think everthing is about sex!” (isn’t it?!)

Well, let’s settle this. Here are the lyrics to the timeless song about lust and drawing a boundary:

I Can’t Go For That

by Hall and Oats

Easy, ready, willing, overtime,
Where does it stop,
where do you dare me
to draw the line.
You’ve got the body,
now you want my soul,
Don’t even think about it,
say no go.
I– I ‘ll do anything
that you want me to do,
And I’ll do almost anything,
that you want me too, ooh,

But I can’t go for that, (No can do) Anal Sex!!
No, I can’t go for that, (No can do) Anal Sex!!
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do) Anal Sex!!

I can’t go for that, And he goes on and on about it, obviously he’s afraid that it will make him gay!
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that.

I can go for being twice as nice,  threesome
I can go for just repeating
the same old lines.
Use the body,
now you want my soul, another word for anal sex is being “owned.” hello! this is so obvious!
Ooh, forget about it,
now say no go.

I– I’ll do anything
that you want me to do,
And I’ll do almost anything
that you want me to do,

But I can’t go for that, (No can do)
No, I can’t go for that, (No can do)
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do)

I can’t go for that,
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that.                                       Thou dost protest too much!! He wants it, but he’s scared.
Oh, I– I’ll do anything                              He has to be eased into it, teased into it…
that you want me to do,         
And I’ll do almost anything
that you want me to do,

But I can’t go for that, (No can do)
No, I can’t go for that, (No can do)
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do)

I can’t go for that,
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that,
can’t go for that.                         

can’t go for that (No can do)
I can’t go,
I can’t go–
for that, (No can do)                               Ok, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, but now
Oh, I can’t go for that, (No can do)         he’s just digging himself into a hole.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no can do,
Oh, I can’t go for that, yeah, (No can do)
No, no, no, no, no, no…..

 I rest my case.

And if you have any doubt at all, look at this picture:

hall_and_oates1

 

By the way, I’m not judging, I’d want to have anal sex with either of these men if I was a guy… But apparently they are “No Can Do” regarding the back door disco.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s up with only Oats having his shirt off…?

oats211

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, they look like hot girls here, except for the mousache.

hall-oats

I’m sorta more of a guy-girl than a girly-girl, so I would never actively seek out an event called something like “girls night out.” But, life at the Dildo Factory takes me many strange places. And last week, it took me to Girls Night Out, hosted by Old School R&B radio station Hot 92.

I would try to explain it, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words. What I want to know is… What is a video OF Girls’ Night Out worth?? Priceless. Someone call MasterCard.

I have to say, I was touched by the sweetness of the sisterhood by the end of the night. No, I’m being serious.

I didn’t realize what a charmed life I was living until I started writing this blog. I knew my job and my life were interesting, but I’m really enjoying the process of putting the focus on little parts of my work life via this blog.

Last weekend, I went to Mandalay Bay, in lovely Las Vegas, and hung out at the “Beach.” If you’ve never been, totally go! It’s just like being at the beach, except there’s no SALT on your skin! There is still screaming children and crashing waves, but this is offset by the bikini clad cocktail waitress delivering you drinks all day. http://www.mandalaybay.com/thingstodo/beach.aspx

I met up with my friends and we were all on the “list” to get into Moorea Beach Club, which is the topless pool at Mandalay Bay. Which, by the way, if you have the right hotel room, like mine, you can see into the topless pool. I thought how STOKED a 10 year old boy would be if he had the right room and a pair of binoculars.

Dude, it was like the essence of the word DEBAUCHERY. The pool was TOTALLY crowded – people just standing in the water, like they would normally stand around a night club. And about 1/5 of the female population was topless. 75% of the topless people were, of course, OLD. Why is it that the 50+ set are the ones who are “feelin’ free” and happy to take off their shirts? There was a handful of pretty girls with their tops off. Well, actually, I have no idea if they were pretty – I didn’t look at their faces; I was so distracted by the fact that they were topless. I guess their boobs were pretty.

I turned to my friend, who is also in the “biz” like me, and said, “I’m sure this would be titillating if I weren’t so jaded. I feel like I’m at work.”

We got some drinks at the outdoor bar and tried to find a seat. Impossible. But we ran into a woman my friends knew. She stood out in the nearly naked crowd because she was topless and wearing the stringiest string bikini I’ve ever seen. It was that dental floss thing. No tan lines. My friends said hello to her and she jumped up and gave everyone hugs… And suddenly it seems to me incredibly intimate to give friends greetings hugs while topless. Right?! My male friends happened to have their shirts on, but wouldn’t naked breasts pressed against a nude chest be considered intimate? Call me old fashioned, but…

I got a handshake. Which was fine with me.

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