I love the wacky people at The Brunching Shuttlecocks. They came up with this quiz. I got 6 out of 12 WRONG!

She has flowing hair, smooth skin, languid eyes, and she’s completely naked. Are we discussing here a star of one of the approximately four hundred thousand single-, double-, and triple-X-rated films out there, or one of the approximately four hundred thousand different “My Little Ponies” they flooded toy stores with in the Eighties?

That’s what we’re here to find out. Below is a list of names. Each name belongs to either a porn star, or a My Little Pony. Your job is to try and tell the fornicator from the latter. Supine or equine? New Wave Hookers or new-agey hoofers? You make the call.

 

     

                                  Porn Star or Pony

    Cherry Treats
    Lucky Star
    Love Melody
    Daisy Sweet
    Sunshine Blue
    Honey Rose
    Ruby Lips
    Misty Rain
    Green Eyes
    Heart Throb
    Chocolate Delight
    Sweetie Pie
 

 

Click to see how well you know your little pony stars:

http://www.brunching.com/toy-pornorpony.html

Once again, working at the dildo factory has shown me things I’d never otherwise see.

I received a “Happy Holidays” email from Pure Talent. Not knowing who they were or what sort of talent they represent, I clicked on http://www.pure-talent.com and perused the “Feature Entertainers.” (I realize that says “Feature” not “Featured”.)

Joy! A collection of the largest-breasted women I’ve ever seen, all in one place! AND midgets too! (No tranny midgets though, sorry everybody.)

 Wow.

They’re SO amazing (I’m being serious) that I have to share them with you!

What’s it like to have tits this big…

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

…And then be outdone by a chick with tits THIS big…?

Chelsea Charms

HOW do you get  a chiropractic adjustment with these? Cuz you know you’ll need one!

Chelsea Charms

Ok, that just looks painful.

Chelsea Charms

How do these girls stay in shape? Can you even jog with those? WHERE do you shop for jog-bras in that size?

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

HOW do you hug someone? Platonically.

Chelsea Charms

HOW do you… see your feet?

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

Sleeping on your stomach is OUT of the question.

Chelsea Charms

If I was a pretty midget, like Bridget the Midget, I’d totally do porn too. (Seriously. I’m not judging.) I totally dig Bridget. How adorable is she?

Bridget The Midget - Porn Star - Feature Entertainer

Bridget The Midget - Porn Star - Feature Entertainer
Little Lacie… Oh honey, this isn’t the right look for you.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer
This one not so much either.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer
This works waaaaay better Capt’n.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer

My first week of working in the adult novelties business has to be one of the most bizarre weeks of my life. I saw cocks everywhere: a tree trunk with two bushes at the base, the way a shadow would fall on a building… it was surreal.

 

But really, nothing has compared to my experiences with molding porn stars. We have signed and molded quite a few porn stars.  When I started, I was in the molding room for all of them, the idea being that I would go interview them so I’d have quotes when it came time for a press release announcing their “pussy” or “cock” to the world.

 

The very first molding I witnessed was Bree Olson. I’d never spoken to a porn star before, let alone spent 4 hours in a small room with one. Bree is quite a girl. She’s definitely in the right business. Direct quote: “I just love to fuck.” I’m not easily shocked, but she kept catching me off guard with her frank statements. She watched YouTube on her Sidekick while spread eagle with 4 people pouring goop over her perfectly shaved pussy. Very relaxed. Then we molded her tits, then finally her face. I couldn’t watch that- I was getting claustrophobic!

 

She was hitting on the Latina molding assistant. Hard. Saying, “She’s hot,” and checking out her ass.

 

Here was our conversation:

Me: What are you thinking about, right now, while being molded?

Bree: “Weirdest shit… when all the races combine—if the world doesn’t end before that—what the final product of that’s going to look like and what the male dick is gonna look like. Average dick size is my favorite size.”

Me: What do you think about the porn business?

Bree: “Love it. I’m a horny bitch all the time. I love getting fucked in the ass all the time. That’s all I think about most of the time.  I’m a girly girl but I think about sex all the time.”

            Me: Were you always interested in porn?                   

            Bree: “When I was young, I thought ‘What’s wrong with me that I always have these thoughts about sex?’ Now that I’m older and in the industry, I’m happy that I can talk about whatever I want cuz I’m mostly around people in the industry, and I feel like my thoughts are normal where as I used to feel ashamed about my thoughts.”

            Me: Any final thoughts?

Bree: “I’m just happy– I thank god everyday for my pussy and being able to get pummeled.”

 

While Bree was definitely an interesting character, it was muuuuuch more, uh, distracting when I interviewed Tommy Gunn. I came into the room half way through the molding process. He was already naked, hard and laying on the molding table. They had already poured the goop on him, and he was laying there with the head of his cock sticking out, pressed against his tight stomach. (My boyfriend at the time didn’t think this story was as funny as I did. I don’t understand guys and their territorialism, swear. As if just seeing his cock is going to make me want to fuck him or something…)

 

I tried my best to keep eye contact with Tommy, but I couldn’t help it. I had to keep looking down at the tip of his hard cock, all pink and full. This was during my first week, so I wasn’t jaded toward all this stuff yet and it was mildly thrilling.

       

Anyway, he was very nice, professional. He answered all my questions. He got into the business because a girlfriend who enjoyed his sexual prowess suggested he should. He was in a band and worked on motorcycles before he got into the biz. Here’s what he has to say to the ladies:

“Unfortunately you can’t have me in flesh and blood, but you can have a replica. I’m flattered that you want to take me home.”

Is it wrong if I buy one of Tommy’s molded cocks since I was in the room while it was being molded? It seems strange somehow…

 

Topco Sales Releases Tommy Gunn Replica Toys

Topco Sales has expanded its Wildfire Celebrity Series with three new products inspired by adult performer Tommy Gunn.