Once again, working at the dildo factory has shown me things I’d never otherwise see.

I received a “Happy Holidays” email from Pure Talent. Not knowing who they were or what sort of talent they represent, I clicked on http://www.pure-talent.com and perused the “Feature Entertainers.” (I realize that says “Feature” not “Featured”.)

Joy! A collection of the largest-breasted women I’ve ever seen, all in one place! AND midgets too! (No tranny midgets though, sorry everybody.)

 Wow.

They’re SO amazing (I’m being serious) that I have to share them with you!

What’s it like to have tits this big…

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

…And then be outdone by a chick with tits THIS big…?

Chelsea Charms

HOW do you get  a chiropractic adjustment with these? Cuz you know you’ll need one!

Chelsea Charms

Ok, that just looks painful.

Chelsea Charms

How do these girls stay in shape? Can you even jog with those? WHERE do you shop for jog-bras in that size?

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

HOW do you hug someone? Platonically.

Chelsea Charms

HOW do you… see your feet?

Crystal Storm aka Crystal Ashley Feature Entertainer

Sleeping on your stomach is OUT of the question.

Chelsea Charms

If I was a pretty midget, like Bridget the Midget, I’d totally do porn too. (Seriously. I’m not judging.) I totally dig Bridget. How adorable is she?

Bridget The Midget - Porn Star - Feature Entertainer

Bridget The Midget - Porn Star - Feature Entertainer
Little Lacie… Oh honey, this isn’t the right look for you.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer
This one not so much either.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer
This works waaaaay better Capt’n.
Little Lacey - Feature Entertainer

I didn’t realize what a charmed life I was living until I started writing this blog. I knew my job and my life were interesting, but I’m really enjoying the process of putting the focus on little parts of my work life via this blog.

Last weekend, I went to Mandalay Bay, in lovely Las Vegas, and hung out at the “Beach.” If you’ve never been, totally go! It’s just like being at the beach, except there’s no SALT on your skin! There is still screaming children and crashing waves, but this is offset by the bikini clad cocktail waitress delivering you drinks all day. http://www.mandalaybay.com/thingstodo/beach.aspx

I met up with my friends and we were all on the “list” to get into Moorea Beach Club, which is the topless pool at Mandalay Bay. Which, by the way, if you have the right hotel room, like mine, you can see into the topless pool. I thought how STOKED a 10 year old boy would be if he had the right room and a pair of binoculars.

Dude, it was like the essence of the word DEBAUCHERY. The pool was TOTALLY crowded – people just standing in the water, like they would normally stand around a night club. And about 1/5 of the female population was topless. 75% of the topless people were, of course, OLD. Why is it that the 50+ set are the ones who are “feelin’ free” and happy to take off their shirts? There was a handful of pretty girls with their tops off. Well, actually, I have no idea if they were pretty – I didn’t look at their faces; I was so distracted by the fact that they were topless. I guess their boobs were pretty.

I turned to my friend, who is also in the “biz” like me, and said, “I’m sure this would be titillating if I weren’t so jaded. I feel like I’m at work.”

We got some drinks at the outdoor bar and tried to find a seat. Impossible. But we ran into a woman my friends knew. She stood out in the nearly naked crowd because she was topless and wearing the stringiest string bikini I’ve ever seen. It was that dental floss thing. No tan lines. My friends said hello to her and she jumped up and gave everyone hugs… And suddenly it seems to me incredibly intimate to give friends greetings hugs while topless. Right?! My male friends happened to have their shirts on, but wouldn’t naked breasts pressed against a nude chest be considered intimate? Call me old fashioned, but…

I got a handshake. Which was fine with me.